I've had a year's worth of blog entries to write in the last month alone.  Only I couldn't write any of them out of respect.

Tonight I can say anything I want and only want solitude in my thoughts and for my children to feel loved and comforted.

My mother passed away tonight.  She was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer just after New Year's.  Bowel cancer apparently can go without symptoms for a while.  Early screening is important for all cancers because they're easier to treat when they're small, but it takes on a whole new meaning when you think about cancer sneaking up on you and giving you a month to go.

I first said, "Fuck cancer" when I found out.  Mom first said, "Why me?  Wait, why NOT me?"  She didn't want the fight or the warring, she wanted peace, she valued the time to say farewell, she wanted the grandkids to understand that she never knew any of her grandparents and it was the greatest honour to be Babcia to four absolutely spectacular kids.

She went with grace and dignity, without anger or ill feelings towards anyone.  That's inspiring and worth aspiring to meet.  That's a hero.

Love you, Mom.