Sure enough, I'm mowing the lawn Friday and, as I'm known to do once in a while, I run out of gas in the lawn mower.

So there I am, standing over the mower, refuelling it, and I look down and see the muffler more or less underneath the intake for the fuel tank.  "Now there's a school of engineering I wish I had attended."  Call me just a little bit crazy, but when you have a component that generally gets labelled as "CAUTION:  EXTREMELY HOT.  DO NOT TOUCH!" I usually think you'd want to position said component rather distantly from refuelling spouts for fear of a) vapours and b) leaks.

Oh, no worry.  There's a warning label.  Warning labels are funny enough these days (damn those liability lawyers!)  I'm pondering in my mind what it may be:

WARNING:  Do not fill with ignited gasoline.
WARNING:  Do not ingest gasoline to check quality of product.
WARNING:  Do not filter gasoline through pubic hair!

No, no.  These are just fantasies in my mind.  Instead I find



What is this?  How did they ever let that get past Bill 101.  What are we saying here?  Let's kill off all the French people who mow lawns by giving them obscure and non-detailed mower instructions.  Indeed, they probably only get manuals printed in Spanish and English.  Ghod only knows the number of times I get an item with just a French manual included.

Rise up, my Francophone bretheren!  Do not take this abomination.  Demand equal labelling.  Be certain that your toes are as valued as much as Anglos.

Then again, perhaps the lawnmower manufacturer is just thinking us tubby ol' white folk are too stupid to know:
 - Lawn mowers spin their blades when the engine runs.
 - Pushing a mower uphill is bad when you are downhill.
 - Crowds of people cheering on your mowing is annoying.
 - Backing up isn't a great idea when you're standing on the edge of a cliff.  (Corollary - don't mow along a cliff)
 - Stuff flies further when you take that protective junk off.
 - You shouldn't run over stuff that your lawnmower will throw.  (Corollary - make certain you only run over very large and well anchored things - like trees!)
 - Half a grass catcher isn't going to work very well.  You need both the left AND the right halves.  Or is it top and bottom halves?  Who the hell cuts their grass catcherss in half in the first place anyway?  Don't they leak like thatjQuery15209986595073714852_1309241140450

Guh.